


Vampire 101

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Simon asks stupid questions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 11:10:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11034978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: “No,” Raphael deadpanned and Simon’s mouth actually dropped open. The clan leader admittedly had a hard time not laughing at this utterly shocked expression and he couldn’t believe that the fledgeling honestly considered that this obvious bullshit could be true.“But how do you--”“Why are you watching such nonsense?” Raphael interrupted and put his book aside, rising from the armchair and absently straightened his shirt out, shaking his head at the young vampire.“Because I might learn something from it? So...that means it’s not true?”





	Vampire 101

**Author's Note:**

> I started watching _The Strain_ and I couldn't help but imagine Simon's reaction to the fact that the vampires in the series don't have genitals *laughs* There was a scene where this infected guy's junk literally just fell off so...I had to write this random thing here, sorry.

“Please tell me my dick’s not gonna fall off!!”

Raphael slowly raised his eyes from the book he was currently reading to stare at the fledgeling with the blankest expression he could muster. “I have absolutely no idea what you are on about.”

“I started watching a new series, it’s about vampires, and apparently they don’t have genitals and this one dude’s junk just...fell off,” Simon explained quickly with wide eyes and Raphael squinted at him, trying to figure out of this was actually a serious inquiry or of the other was making a moronic joke. “Do  _ you _ still have a dick?”

“No,” Raphael deadpanned and Simon’s mouth actually dropped open. The clan leader admittedly had a hard time not laughing at this utterly shocked expression and he couldn’t believe that the fledgeling honestly considered that this obvious bullshit could be true.

“But how do you--”

“Why are you watching such nonsense?” Raphael interrupted and put his book aside, rising from the armchair and absently straightened his shirt out, shaking his head at the young vampire.

“Because I might learn something from it? So...that means it’s not true?”

“Of course, it’s not true! Don’t be ridiculous.” Raphael rolled his eyes and he probably should have expected such a thing to happen - that Simon would start watching stupid shows and movies or read other weird stuff on the internet to misinform himself completely.

“And we don’t have like...worms in our blood that infest people, right? I mean, I know we don’t but...just making sure.”

“I would recommend you stop watching that show or at least stop believing whatever nonsense they ‘teach’ you about vampires because it’s apparently not even close to the truth,” he sighed and Raphael didn’t even want to try to wrap his mind around the apparent depiction of their kind in this series. It was still better than sparkling vampires, he supposed.

“Maybe...Hey, how about we watch some things together? Then you could tell me right away which things they got right and what’s wrong!” Simon suggested, suddenly smiling brightly again and probably happy that he didn’t have to fear the loss of his nether regions anymore. “Consider it part of the training.”

“I would rather not.”

Suffice it to say that some more pleading and puppy-eyes ended up with him sitting on the couch next to Simon, the boy’s laptop on the table in front of them, answering the most ridiculous question while silently  _ maybe _ kind of enjoying the show at least a tiny bit - not that he would ever admit that to the fledgeling who was already too smug about their now regular movie nights.


End file.
